My former friend Bibi D'Alessandro is having a big Halloween party this year. How do I know? Not because I was invited, that's for sure. I'm practically the only girl in school who wasn't invited, except for Bridget and the slut contingent, Shea and Caitlin. Bibi even invited my older sister, Norrie, just to twist the knife a little. She can't hurt me, though. Norrie isn't going to Bibi's dumb party. She has better things to do, like juggle boyfriends.
Just because I wasn't invited to the party, that doesn't mean I can't go. It's a costume party. If my costume is good enough, no one will even know it's me, right? The question is, what should I go as? I want to be something scary. Hmm... What scares Bibi most?
1. Getting fat. Once, back when we were friends, we were in Norrie's car and Bibi found a blue M&M on the floor. She picked it up and stared at it. "Should I eat it?" she said. "No, you found it on the floor of the car," I said. She kept staring at it like she really wanted to eat it. Her hand was shaking. It was one freaking M&M. Finally I grabbed it out of her hand and threw it out the window. She thanked me for saving her from getting fat. I wasn't trying to save her from getting fat. I was saving her from eating garbage.
2. Pimples. She doesn't get many but I happen to know that when she does she says she's sick and stays home from school.
3. The Frizzies. Which Bibi gets when it's humid out. Which it is in Baltimore pretty much all the time. Her bathroom is like a chemisty lab full of anti-frizz products. It takes her an hour to do her hair every morning.
4. Unibrow. If tweezers and wax had never been invented, she would have one.
In conclusion: For Halloween I'll be Nightmare Bibi. All I need is a frizzy wig, stick-on zits, a unibrow, and a fat suit (or maybe just unflattering clothes). And I can dress Bridget up as a lapdog and say she's Bibi's shadow, Tasha. She'll love it! After she realizes it's me in the costume, for sure she'll want to be best friends again.
Anyone have a better idea? I'm open to suggestions.
JANE OUT